“Shocking, just Shocking” was the nearly universal distress at the latest news from the photography world. Two Lane Touring has become Too Lame Tattling in an last ditch attempt to save the prestigious, Poolitzer award winning photography web site. One of the staff photographers simply said it is a matter of finances, there is just not enough income to maintain the huge staff required to produce such an amazing, high-quality product 365 days a year. (Note that is most of them!) First the cuts were in travel and equipment, then layers of fact checkers, artists, web designers and support staff. Next to go were the truly hard cuts: senior staff masseuse, both regular and decaf baristas, chauffeur, senior staff travel and ice cream concierge and of course the entire kitchen staff from sous chef to the head waiter. The situation was dire and called for desperate decisions. Hence the reluctant sale to Too Lame Tattler. They keep adjusting the name and that’s not our fault either.
Today we delve into the shocking facts behind the photograph and the story of innocent bovine creatures being paid to pose for an “opportunity” photograph that will likely earn millions for the photographer but not for the poor duped Bessie and Blossom, Clarissa and Cupcake. Only bitter broken promises fill their feed trough. The story began when our shady photographer published his notorious “all lined up” photo on his web site. We cannot bear to reprint it here (that we do no have access to it is a minor issue) but you can view it on Mr. Mxxx’x page at https://www.thewanderinglensman.com/2020/07/recent-road-trip-to-lancaster_15.html
He thought he was secure in his nefariousness but his scandalous behavior - before the the “Lineup” photo - was captured by one of our intrepid (Could use fabulous or amazing or talented here as well...or all four, Ed Note) staff photographers in the very act of buying pastoral perfection. You can see clearly in the photo Mr. Mxxx cowjoling (yes we have a license to make up good words - #700 License to Pun) cow inmate number 293 who was already behind bars for mooing passing buggies. She is a known miscreant. The agreement was clear for a little extra corn mixed with Danish alfalfa, the good stuff, #293’s cousin would lead others down the lane of easy hay. Once the picture was taken the heartless photographer stole away with no recompense to his hoodwinked subjects.
Todays tragic story behind the photograph is tough reading but it does not stop down there. No, indeed. Future exposés include:
Which Southern Amateur Photographer is really a closet Unicyclist! The neighbors said “He seemed so normal or sort of, we just didn’t know.”
What budding photog in Williamsburg left his Nikons in a box to shoot across thousands miles with a cell phone. Sure its convenient, as if that matters. You NEED 110 pounds of equipment on your back.
The etherial woman in Virginia who wanders aimlessly along a single highway shooting empty barns. The humanity. Empty barns, oh how disturbing.
Then, most tragically and shockiingly, the NC woman who gave her father’s cameras away to save the family farm and got NOTHING in return..
All these and more developing stories as Too Likely Talltales exposes the dark room of picture taking. The gritty, noise filled underbelly of photography is not pretty (iso 100 helps) but we will shoot from the hip and not avoid the hard calls or 10 stop filters. TLT will fearlessly point out poor aperture choice, payola, ugly framing and even Canon users. Most of our subjects will claim to be framed but, and remember this always, the CAMERA never lies.
Inmate 293 tying to look cool and innocent. What’s in the bag, Mr Mxxx?